You're going to be sorry you asked, you know. Because this post is filed under the category "Year of the Definitive Cure." I'll try not to be graphic. But right now I'm prepping for the colonoscopy I'm getting tomorrow. The fact that it is taking place on April Fool's Day has not escaped me, nor has the fact that the first instruction on my preparation sheet for what to do on the day of the procedure is "Do not cement your dentures in today." I am trying not to be resentful that I will be spending tomorrow sedated with a.... well, you get the idea, and if you don't get the idea then I will not be the person to spoil it for you. I am trying to be grateful for the fact that the 70 or so ounces of disgusting liquid I am pounding back, 10 ounces at a time, in 10 minute increments, which will shortly send me rushing to the bathroom, is not as disgusting as it was three years ago, the last time I did this. Sedation technology has gotten better, although they won't be giving me the good stuff tomorrow, for administrative and staffing reasons that are tedious and disappointing. The person who is certified to administer the better sedation doesn't work on Wednesdays, and this is the day I have to come in.
I have been thinking and planning a bit more about how I am going to bring about The Definitive Cure, but first we've got to take a look, and see what's going on. I have a new doctor, who partly thinks I am a crackpot but seems to be humoring me and my aggressive approach by giving me lots of information. She seems willing to experiment a bit. I am a pretty mild patient. "You're not *that* sick," she says. Those words don't make sense to me. I don't feel "sick" at all. And I don't want to be a person who "manages" a disease. I want to be a person who used to have this thing and then got cured. That's me. I suppose because I'm "not that sick" there's not much of an incentive to do too much to treat me -- I respond well to basic medicine, and my symptoms disappear. I think I'm supposed to feel lucky about that, and I suppose I do, in a way. Flirting with mysterious health problems is really sobering, and makes me appreciate how little I worry about my body. On the other hand, being not that sick isn't the goal here. We can do better. I'll keep you posted, and will try not to make the details too icky.