I don't know what to do about my wallet. My sister says to go get my wallet back. I'm all fired up, so that sounds great except that I can't picture how the conversation will actually go. I'll walk over to her at the pool and she'll walk away. Then what? I walk over again? No, that doesn't work. Once you're chasing someone, you've already lost (this goes for dogs and toddlers as well). I grab her? No. I can't go lay hands on a kid. Imagining that she stands still, then what?
The only good leverage I have over her is that if I raised enough of a shitstorm, I could get her barred from the pool. That's powerful. She and her sibs spend all afternoon there every single day. They must like it, or at least have no better options. It would take a fuss though, and I'm not sure the pool would back me up on the spot. I'd have to go to their supervisor, whom I met last summer when I was agitating for long course. What else? Well, there's the authority of being a grown-up and whatever you can convey in your voice. Considering that she picks gratuitous fights with grown-ups and mouths off without consequence, I doubt this carries a lot of weight with her. There's the threat of the police. This is a pretty empty threat. I cannot imagine the police investigating a rash of small thefts at the pool. The idea is ridiculous. On the other hand, she and her sibs are undocumented, so the mention of police carries a scary specter of deportation. If I thought that were at all likely, that would actually deter me. I'm not going to get a bunch of children shipped to a country they barely know over a stolen wallet. A stolen wallet is worth a talking to and a letter of apology, and not much more.
So I'm not convinced that force is an option. What are other choices? Niceness? I wouldn't mind niceness, except that it feels so exactly like getting played, and I don't know how it would work. The barrier to spontaneously returning a wallet, even to a nice lady, is pretty high. Reward? Sure, if it would work, but again, the part about acknowledging the theft in the first place is a barrier. (This is slightly farcical, because every single person at the pool knows exactly who took the wallet. She and her little sister were the only two people through the locker room. When I told the lifeguards about the theft, they sighed and said "Yeah, the girls are here.". When I told the front desk, they said, "You can't leave anything in the locker room when the girls are here. Did they take down our warning sign again?")
Well, the cards are canceled and I have an appointment for a new driver's license. (The day after my haircut, so I'll be all freshly bobbed.) I didn't lose much cash. The rest I can't remember. A swim card, which the pool replaced. My library card, which was wearing out anyway. A frequent flyer card. A BART card with a couple trips left on it. I liked the wallet itself. Boooo! This sucks.
I was thinking, though. I'd say you and I are in a similar socioeconomic class. We both did a lot of school and own small houses and would pick the same kind of restaurants. But this summer at least, it feels so different. You're looking up, and watching the sky-high rich live in a crazy beautiful place and wondering at the unreality of their lives. Recently, police use our railing to string their police tape at a shooting, rough kids take my stuff, and people keep telling me to be careful of the guy attacking women right near my gym and garden. Being middle class is manifesting really differently, with the up embracing you and the down barging in on me.
I don't know that you would, but I do hope you didn't get a flash of self-flagellating "but I
am sheltered and not facing the gritty reality of life and
oooooOOOOoooh, so selfish to live here in beautiful Maine instead of
feeding slumdwellers in
SacramentoMumbai". I think that's
bullshit on a number of fronts. First, no self-flagellation for you.
But more importantly, I think the general perception that there is a
"reality" to a poverty-based, fear and aggression worldview is plain
wrong. I don't believe there's any additional authenticity to that way
of living; everyone's authenticity comes from the intensity of their
lived experience. You increase it by opening yourself to whatever
world you live in, not by being confronted with such extreme
circumstances that you are shocked out of mental self-absorption. You
get real by living in the moment and ditching your mental routines and
muttering. Moreover, living in fear and aggression is a sucky way to
be. The remedy isn't for us to face the gritty realities of llife by
moving out of a middle class bubble. The remedy is that no one anywhere
experience a gritty reality type of life. You aren't selfish to live
in beautiful Maine. You've got it perfectly right (except for the
Maine part). That's what I'd want for everyone, so don't ruin your
good life with guilt that other people are living a worse life. Instead, live a
modest, comfortable, aware life, like you do, guilt-free. Then wish and work or give
money to fixing the root causes of fear and deprivation-based lives.