My friends, you ask so damn much of yourself. You do not have to be saints. You just have to be civil and do no harm, that's all.
Darling L.: If, despite yourself, you find yourself mildly jealous of your physically beautiful friend who married into great wealth and is vivacious and charming in addition, as well as good at whatever she tries, this is natural. And if she sends word out through friends that she would like to start an agency just like yours, so could you give her a call with some advice, you do not have to do this. I know it would be just a trifle galling, because her agency would be backed by her personal wealth and she is charming anyway so she'd do great without the fear nagging at her as it did for the first years when you were starting. Just because she idly mentioned your help to your mutual friends, you do not have to do anything. You can take refuge in the fact that she hasn't picked up the phone to call or invite you to anything in two years, including her baby showers. She didn't even send announcements. So, if she does call, which she will not, you can give her brief good advice. But you owe her no affirmative duty to get over your mild jealousy, initiate contact and help her.
Sweet C.: Dude, she isn't nice to you. She didn't visit you in the hospital. It hasn't been fun to hang out with her in a while and she repeatedly bails on your plans. You know this, and you are wisely choosing the friends who love your awesome self. But you do not owe her an explanation. You do not have to call her attention to her ways so that she treats the next person better. She hasn't called much recently, and now you shouldn't call her either. Let it drop, because you do not owe it to her to fix her on your way out, so she doesn't continue in her ways of alienating people. Be polite, respond to whatever (which she won't start anyway), don't badmouth her to your mutual friends and you are in the clear.
Kind S: No. You still have feelings for him. You were together for a long time. I know you are "being friends" but you do not have to invite him to stuff, especially if you think he might like that other girl you are inviting. Yes, she is sweet and lonely and you have nothing against her. But you would taste your bitter heart if you saw them hitting it off, and you don't have to do that just because you think you "shouldn't be selfish". Yes you should. You do not owe it to them to make their lives better just because you can think of a way. Just don't harm them and stay clear and protect yourself. His life isn't worsened because you didn't invite him to something. His creating his own social life is the baseline. You shouldn't damage it; you don't have to improve it. I only care about you, so that's who I want you to take care of.
Sherry: No, it isn't unusual to keep score in your head and it doesn't mean anything about you, so long as you don't act on it. (Actually, I wondered for a brief second if it meant that you were an only. I wondered whether siblings do less of this, because they kept painfully accurate track of every slightest thing for fifteen or twenty years and maybe that is long enough to be tired of it the next time they are family with someone.) You're aware you do this and because you are kind and you love him, you hold that awareness but don't act on it. That is what grown-ups do. It is fine and you are more than fine, so enough with the telling yourself that the flaws you work to counter are what you really are.
My girlfriends, you are so hard on yourselves, for thoughtcrimes and not living up to saintworthy self-expectations. How do I get you to be gentle with my beloved friends?