Hi friend. I'm rushed, but I'm struck by how different we've grown to be, and how this one difference, this sense of identity with respect to other people, strangers, ripples in our lives. Do we care what other people think of us?
I think you're lying, and if I weren't rushed I would say it more gently. Please imagine all the loving admiration in my voice. I know you care DEEPLY about what other people think of you: you don't complain, you take care not to be boring, you track the needs of other people and how to keep them happy and content with the intensity and excellence of that big brain of yours. You notice moods and you worry about hurting or giving offense. You care A LOT about what some people think of you, more than me, I'm sure. In your small and intimate circle I don't think I know anyone as sensitive to others as you. I accept that there are worlds of people about whom you don't care, but even there, too, we have a small tug of war going. It is stupid for people who don't know you to judge you by your clothing, but we're both smart enough to know they will and we are also both smart enough to know that persuasion and public support have meaning in our little worlds, so I believe you should win that game.
As for me, I'm not so concerned about the moods of my friends -- I don't take that on. But I like to win over strangers: not for sport, although that was once true, and I'm ashamed of that phase. Now I do it to help, if I can. It's my job to learn more about other people and to teach them what they need to do to be happily and fully expressed at work. I need to mind-read and persuade and influence and inspire, so I'm really focused on how that happens, and I love the study of it. It's part of what I read about so hungrily.
For all this focus on other people and what they think, I think I've left behind my vulnerability to judgment. I am loved enough in my private life; I'm happy with who I am. Facebook and its long lost faces reminds me not of people who were mean, but of a time when I was vulnerable, when I looked to certain specific people and hoped desperately that I measured up. I don't think I do that any more, but those faces remind me of that sad time and it's not a completely cheerful reunion with those long lost friends. I am sad for the part of me that didn't know how to be easy.