I'll tell you if I eat fish.

Did I tell you, hon? I'm going to the Caribbean on Friday to see Ali! Do you remember Ali, my most beloved roommate of two years ago? She is nearly done with her Peace Corps stint, so I need to visit her fast. We've been sending passionate love letters to each other, about our anticipation and excitement. I swear, if I got emails like this from a man, I would know we were about to be married. Anyway, I've missed her so very much and as lovely as tropical islands sound, am far more excited to see Ali.

I think I am prepared for the trip. Like every summer, I have been steadily working on my base tan. I'm allergic to SPF, so I much prefer to slowly get dark enough that I don't need sunscreen. I am ashamed that I have actually sunburned a few times this year, which I consider amateurish, sloppy work. Still, I am fairly dark, and ready for quite a bit of sun exposure. I have also carefully considered my reading material. There is no possible way I can carry enough books for the ten day trip. I can't even carry enough books for the travel time. I am forced to face the prospect of downtime without reading materials or internets. There is always conversation with Ali and fruity alcoholic drinks, but I might still have empty beach minutes to fill with contemplation, which is on the slippery slope to introspection and reflection. No one wants that, but one must be brave and admit the possibility. I am bringing a paper diary, in which I might write things, with a pen.

Those are the decisions I can make in advance, but I've been struggling with two other questions, neither of which I can settle until I get there. The first is the question of whether to eat fish. I’ve been vegetarian twenty years, but if I were ever going to eat fish, surely freshly caught in the Caribbean is the time and place. Given my ongoing jones for protein, I'm sure it would be that much more delicious. I’ll have to see how I feel at the time. The other question is whether to pick up an island boy.

I hadn't entirely realized how present that question would be until I heard from my other friends who visited Ali and had lovely island flings. I get the impression that Ali would be an intermediary, should I ask. (She tells me the island men will welcome me with open arms and open pants.)  Normally I would be quite happy about the prospect of a travel dalliance, but in this case, the context makes me feel yucky. The context that bugs me is the apparently quite-well-established sex tourism between women travelers and locals. I am confident that it wouldn't be a monetary transaction for me, but I feel yucky and squirmy at the thought that it would be a practiced transaction for them. And even though I wouldn't pay, the whole deal still comes out of colonialism and remnant poverty and taps into stereotypes of black men that don't usually enter my life. My first thought is that I just want to go snorkeling and dancing with Ali and ignore the rest. On the other hand, my girlfriends have come home glowing and beautiful and happy and I am usually in favor of experiences that leave me glowing and beautiful and happy. So I'll find out what I do when it is happening, I guess.

I never thought that I would have to sort out my feelings about participating in sex tourism. I thought that was a mute question for me. I know my guy friends have to confront that if they go to SE Asia. My friend who just got back from Thailand was hurt and offended to be offered sex everywhere he went. “Sex, sex, sex!” he said. “Everywhere! No! I do not want to make boom-boom! Why is that all they offer? I have other needs, you know! I might want drugs. I might want to go to a cockfight. I might want to eat an endangered species. But do they think of me as a whole person? No. They only try to sell me sex.”

I was telling my new friend Rand about my two dilemmas on Saturday. His prediction was that I would eat fish, but not whore. I said I didn't know yet, and then he cautioned me against combining the two. Don’t get involved with the local fish, he cautioned. I admitted that there would be huge barriers between us, not least the fluids we live in. He said we would never make it work after I came home.  Fish just aren't emotionally available.  My friend Joe thought that Rand was being too black and white about the issue and suggested a compromise of fucking dolphins. I'm trying to consider all these aspects and options, but I've pretty much given up on figuring it out ahead of time. I'll just have to see what I do.

Comments

[Peter]

One compromise solution might be eating shellfish, such as conch or shrimp. Some people who otherwise are vegetarian will eat shellfish because it doesn't have a face (seriously!)

As for the other dilemma, you're on your own with that one :)

[doctorpat]

That southeast asia sex thing isn't universal. 4 of us went to the same place at the same time. One guy (let's call him Mike) claimed he was propositioned every time he left the hotel. The rest of us were never approached at all, except once or twice when we were walking with Mike.

Note that none of us (to my knowledge) accepted any offers. Not even when a customer actually hired a girl for the night and gave her to Mike. Mike just sat there, blushing, with her sitting on his lap, until he eventually paid her to go away.

[doctorpat]

Off topic, I was just in Southern California for a week and noticed that everyone was watering their lawns in the middle of the day. Everyone in Australia knows that watering in the middle of the day just results in only a fraction of the water being absorbed by the plants, and the rest evaporating. What gives?

[Megan]

The cost of water in Southern California isn't high enough yet.

[Kelly]

I'm hooked - no pun intended as to either dilemma. Can't wait to hear how this turns out once you have returned.

[El Gringo]

As a guy visiting Cuba, I of course was smitten with the variety of exotic women. However the prevalence of western men (middle aged, pasty, portly, etc.) with local women, with presumably a monetary transaction lurking, introduced a whole new train of thought. I consider myself CHARMING; I spoke the local language FLUENTLY; I'm an above-average DANCER. And my reward for this hard-won attractiveness? The knowing smirks of tourists and locals alike.

Goodness knows my ego has been forced to accommodate long bouts of loneliness, but the fear of being a walking, breathing cliche overwhelmed whatever delusion of sweet, simple island romance I could conjure.

[Megan]

You can speak dolphin?

[LizardBreath]

Another downside of trying to get laid in a context where commercial transactions are the norm, is that the possibility for miscommunication seems significant. What happens if you think you're having friendly sex with someone, and the next morning you realize that he's expecting payment?

I'd stick to the dolphins. Well, I probably wouldn't actually stick to them -- they look pretty slippery. But you take my point.

[Megan]

I think Ali would let me know what is going on first, and also, I don't think the commercial exchanges are quite as blatant. But yeah, if it weren't for that background context (more extreme in other nearby locations) I would understand the situation better.

[LizardBreath]

also, I don't think the commercial exchanges are quite as blatant.

That's mostly what would worry me -- if you could count on the commercial exchanges being blatant, you'd know when you weren't in one, if you see what I mean. I was visualizing a situation where you thought everyone was enjoying themselves, and then realizing that the guy's intentions had been(in a tasteful, low key kind of way) commercial, so that you had an option between coming across with some money, or leaving the guy feeling stiffed.

[Peter]

I'd stick to the dolphins. Well, I probably wouldn't actually stick to them -- they look pretty slippery. But you take my point.

Due to the structure of a dolphin's, ahem, equipment, relations of a physical nature with a human female are not possible.

[will]

What is the standard tip for such a transaction?

Can you order a la carte? Is it buffet style?

What is their refund policy?

So many questions about the fish.

[LizardBreath]

"relations of a physical nature with a human female are not possible."

Peter has outed himself as sadly unimaginative.

Intercrural dolphin sex!

[Walt]

I was in Thailand for five weeks and I was approached by zero sex workers.

[Not Prince Hamlet]

The problem with sex with dolphins is that they really only want you for your fish.

[JRoth]

I was picked up by a lovely woman in Brasilia who seemed on the up and up (even if it was inexplicable that she'd be attracted to monolingual* me). I had (almost literally) no money, so that was a non-issue, but it seemed innocent nonetheless - until we were in a cab and people in another vehicle seemed to be hooting at us, which skeeved me out. She kept asking me to go back to her house for sex, but A. fear of disease, and B. fear of Bad Old GF convinced me otherwise.

That night she called my hotel room** in Rio in tears. Which made me feel bad about the skeevy feeling.

FWIW, even though sometimes I wonder, that incident doesn't go on my (very) short list of regrets.

* not literally true, but she knew no German. None!
** which information I had not given her

[JRoth]

My regret, now that I think of it, is that I don't have a picture of her (fear of BOGF again).

So my advice is, if you're even considering a dalliance, get a picture, just for the record.

Actually, to be safe, you might want to get a fingerprint while you're at it ("it's considered very romantic in the States").

[teofilo]

I'm not a vegetarian, so I don't have anything to offer on the first question, and I don't have a whole lot of insight on the second either. Similar issues do come up for me, but I'm really more in the position of the guys (minus any economic aspects, of course). My general policy is that visitors are off-limits, but coworkers, volunteers, researchers, etc. are fair game. Not that this helps you much.

[LizardBreath]

"My general policy is that visitors are off-limits, but. . . researchers, etc. are fair game."

Teo [spotting an attractive woman]: "Pardon me, ma'am, would you characterize your interest in this site as scholarly?"

[JRoth]

LB's on fire here.

[teofilo]

Somehow they always do.

[Megan And Sherry]

Your visitors never admit that they go out to obscure American Indian ruins in hopes of getting picked up?

[JRoth]

OK, co-blogging I'll buy, but I have trouble believing that Megan and Sherry cowrote the comment at 3:19.

[Megan]

You're right. That was just me. I have to admit, I am especially curious about how Sherry will turn this into a generous essay about the human spirit, with a beautiful and on-point extended metaphor that draws us all in. I fully believe she can do it and can't wait to see how she pulls it off.

[teofilo]

Chaco's not exactly obscure.