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September 10, 2009


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I think reticence comes with age and growing up -- in a different sense than reaching the age of whatever. There are more things in your life and maybe less reason to expose them them to others -- especially others you don't know. I've never really understood the point of blogging. I come across some (to wit here, and jeremy, and turbowhatever) that offer intriguing thoughts and good writing, but I would never do it. Eh, maybe it's not "age" as such, but I'm still not surprised to see many blogs fade as years ago by.

It's the weight of the quotidian: we mold our days with a certain predictability--house, job, family, etc. It takes more to jolt us out of our ruts--early morning walks are a good start(!)

I often laugh to myself that the 23 yr old me would be appalled by the thought-stream of the 41 yr old me (credit card payment deadlines anyone?).

I'm looking at foreign assignments just to plunge into a new set of stimuli--change for the sake of change. But I suspect days of Serene Meaning will be few and far between for another couple of decades.

Maybe you simply miss your former self. I think it's natural to feel that way, because when you learn new things and have new experiences, it is an irreversible process -- you can never go back to your earlier state of mind.

From the linked article:

23-year-olds have the time and inclination to write about what's in their heads in a way that 30-year-olds don't

This, particularly the time part. Now I have the kid, days are just: work, feed Jr, do house work, go to bed. Literally. I would love to go walk down an empty road on a summer's evening, but somebody has to clean up the kitchen / comfort the baby if he wakes / fix the bathroom cupboard etc. Self-discovery (and writing well thought out comments on blogs) is a much lower priority for me.

Also, I'm becoming more comfortable with who I am, and feel I'm acquiring a role that I can be happy with. This wasn't the case when I was younger.

My blogging has changed in the seven years since I started. Back then I needed a public voice for the stuff I was tired of hiding, but which I needed to hide in order to protect the life I was living. I also needed more external validation. But now I blog because I have things I want to share, not so much in order to get validation, and the posts that have to do with needing validation are protected so that only a chosen group of people can read them. (That security feature is one reason I like LiveJournal for my blogging!) It means I blog less prolifically, and I kind of miss having so much to say. I feel like the popular bloggers are more wordy than I've become, and I have always wanted to be popular. :-)

I've got nothing to say, really. Just wanted to drop in and say how well that was written.

Long time reader, first time commenter. I don't have anything particularly deep to say, apart from this: I wish the "acquiring a role that I can be happy with" would hurry up and happen already!

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