What I'm Learning

One of these days I'm going to sit down and think through some things I'm noticing about how my life is different these days.  It's different being married than it was being single, and it's different being in a job I love than it was in a job that made me restless.  And of course it's way way better, but there are things that I miss about the restlessness I had before.  Something about being more awake, or more open to the world.  Also more tender and more easily hurt and more lonely and more dissatisfied, so I wouldn't trade.  

Part of getting what you want is that you're not searching any more.  I like searching.  I've always liked searching.  When you are in the mode of searching you notice all kinds of things that you don't notice when you're not looking.  I've found a lot of treasures I wasn't specifically looking for, simply because I was looking hard for something else.  

My job is really satisfying to me because it brings the searching to me.  Every half hour a different talented bright person walks into my office and sits down and we talk about what they want, and how they can get there, and where they are stuck, and how to figure out a plan to get unstuck.  It is structured restlessness, somehow.  I live in restlessness, and it's my job, with an office and a schedule and four walls and some pictures of sailboats hanging on the wall.  I love that I get paid to have the kinds of conversations and meet the kinds of people I find most fascinating. 

One of my jobs is to help people who are applying to graduate school or law school.  Part of my job is to really kick the tires, and make sure they have thought through the decision, and aren't just going because they're scared of being out of school or because they're getting pressure from their parents.  But another part of my job is to help them put together a clear and cogent application.  I read a lot of personal statements. 

This year, I've read and re-read and talked about the following topics:

• Why I pan for gold
• My sister's mental illness
• I used to think democracy was a universal concept, but now I'm not so sure.
• What I like about physics
• Being called a dyke
• Working as a paralegal
• Going to an elite college after growing up homeless
• Living with a 76 year old French woman
• American collectors' interest in 16th century enamels
• Mr. _____ will die before his case gets to trial
• How studying medieval fairies prepared me for law school
• The role of griots in Mande culture, and what it makes me want to learn next
• Reason vs. emotion in my life
• Why I lied to Shiela
• Writing for a wedding publication prepared me for law school
• Living with dyscalculia
• Fishing in New Zealand
• Meeting my great-grandmother in Italy
• How teaching in the Bronx prepared me for law school
• Where my interest in Spanish modern art came from
• Violence and gender in India

More, too, if I could stop and think.  It's my job to read these and help the authors get clearer about what they want to say, and find some way to tell their own story as compellingly as possible.  Can you see how interesting this is?  Meanwhile I've gotten emails from China and Copenhagen and India this week.  It's so much fun. 

I led a workshop today for staff at the college about professional development and reflecting on your own career at intervals during your career path, whether you're in a moment of professional restlessness or not.  It's useful to reflect.  I talked about how to use emotions -- envy, admiration, the sensation of flow, satisfaction, even shame -- to pinpoint areas for growth or to uncover hidden strengths.  

It is so much fun to do this work but the pace, it is relentless. I am very tired.  I am mostly very satisfied.  My brain and my sociability and my drive to write -- the things that made me a good blogger once upon a time -- they are really heavily engaged in my daily work.  I'm learning a lot, and I'm sorry I don't get to stop and write about it more, because I think there's a lot to say.  For now, though, you just get these occasional blurts. 

Comments

[Monique Wright]

Funny thing is, I found your blog looking for some explanation of what in the world "rhubarb pie" is after the second embarrassing conversation with my boss of 7 months where I totally showed just how little exposure I have had to things outside of my culture. (the first was when I couldn't quite remember who Juilia Child was--this came right after I explained how much I love to cook.)

I guess it doesn't sound so bad until you learn that I am a 27 year old mother, wife and attorney licensed in two states that graduated 2nd in my law school class. I think the firm was very impressed with me on paper and had high hopes for me...and I may not be quite meeting those expectations. Heck, I am not meeting my own expectations. Personally I feel like I am "in a moment of professional restlessness" despite the fact I have a "good job" in this relentless economy. I simply do not have that "satisfaction" you boast of. I desperately desire it.

If only I would have had an adviser like you when I was at FSU preparing my "I want to go to law school because Clair Huxtable was a lawyer and that is the only lawyer I know" statement. Well that is not really what it said, but that is why I went. Yeah I was pretty clueless and 3 years after law school, I still am.

I enjoyed reading your entry. It gives me a little hope about a great deal of things. (but no definition of rhubarb pie...but no worries I found it on Wiki and still can't say I ever heard of the stuff!)

[CJ]

Sherry--Any thoughts on why it took so long to find a job you really love? My job right now--graduate student--has its moments but is hardly enthralling. And it makes me afraid of whether academia, or even industry, will really bring me happiness. So how did you go through the process of finding something better/more fulfilling?

[The New Guy]

Further to the previous comment, once you have found what you (think you will) really love, how do you summon the courage to walk away from something safe and stable to pursue that? What do you advise your students who are, say, only going to law school because they feel pressured to or because they can't think of anything else to do?